So, two weekends ago I went on a trip to Arizona with my family. An hour or two in...
Yup. Blown tire. Switched to the spare until we got into a town that had a replacement tire... broke all the rules for driving on a spare and probably risked our lives, but oh well! We finally made it to my Grandma Kay and Great Grandma's house. My Great-Grandma is one hundred years old. We were able to be entertained there as we forced the cat, Pris, to chase a laser pointer. So much fun!
Anyway, the drunk. After that little thing in the Tuscon area, I went to Mesa (Pheonix area) to visit my other set of grandparents. The trip included taking the public transit train to downtown Phoenix to see my cousin play a game of arena football. He's on the Phoenix Rattlers, and they played against the Spokane Storm. It was a crazy thing.
Anyway, on the train we sat next to this guy...
(He's to the right. I'm sitting next to him. My brothers, Doug and Brent, are across from him. Doug's the one closer to the camera.) He started talking to us. Here's how the conversation kind of went.
Drunk: So, which one of you guys is going to be a doctor?
Brent: None of us.
Drunk: No, you guys look smart. Which one's the future doctor? Is it you?
Doug: No.
Drunk: You?
Brent: No.
Drunk: You've got to be a doctor.
Me: Nope.
Drunk: (Sings.) Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. Darling, you give love a bad name. (Speaks.) Here. (Holds out hand to Doug.) Lock your middle finger with mine and torque it. I'll torque the other way. (They do so.) Now your remember that when you become a doctor.
At this point there is a short period of silence, followed by the drunk asking Doug to do the finger thing again. Doug says no. He then offers his hand to me. I say no thanks. Suddenly, the guy starts cussing and singing again. Then:
Drunk: (To Doug) Do you know who you look like? (Silence. To Brent) Do you know who he looks like?
Brent: No, who?
Drunk: The drummer from Metallica. But not now. When he was younger.
(At this point Doug is taken away by my parents, who put him in between my two uncles, Scott and Robert, who are fairly large men.)
Drunk: (To me.) You look like a (profanity) Mister Universe. (To Brent.) But you look like a bad (profanity). I'd (profanity) rather look like (profanity) you then (profanity) Mister Universe over here. But do you think you're going to look like that forever?
Me: I suppose not.
Drunk: (Profanity) yeah, you're not. You're going to (profanity) lose those good looks in twenty years.
At this point, Brent and I are texting back and forth. Text will be in italics.
Brent:
This guy is totally drunk.
Me:
Oh yeah.
Drunk: (Singing.)
Brent:
This is good practice for your mission.
Me:
Haha. I suppose so.
(Enter a couple of cousins, one male, one female.)
Drunk: Hey, you. You a doctor?
Female: No.
(Sits across from Drunk, where Doug used to be. Male cousin remains standing.)
Drunk: She's fine. She your sister?
Male: No, my cousin.
(There is a small amount of time with awkward silence.)
By the way, while this is all happening, there are two guys who came in on bicycles who are laughing about the whole thing, watching from a distance. Their commentary included stuff like this.
Biker 1: Dude, those guys over there look so awkward next to that drunk guy.
Biker 2: Yeah, they look so uncomfortable.
Biker 1: Man, this is going to be a great story to tell their friends.
Biker 2: Yeah, man, they look like they want to slug that guy.
And so on. Anyway, after the moment of inactivity, the drunk grabbed the female cousin's hand. The male cousin proceeded to kick him and said, "You keep off of here!" The drunk proceeded to punch his hand and flex his muscles.
Brent:
If he gets violent, we can take him.
Me:
Yeah, we'll throw him off the train.
(Enter another man, Exit cousins.)
Brent:
Do you smell that?
Me:
Yes. That guy that just sat next to you reeks of weed.
Brent:
Look at his expression!
Me:
Yeah, he's totally high.
Drunk: (Sings, ending with:) (profanity, profanity, profanity)
High Guy: Shut (profanity) up.
Drunk: (To Brent) You are a total bad (profanity). I want to look like you more than (profanity) Mr. Universe here.
High Guy: (profanity) you, man. Show a little (profanity) respect. Get off the (profanity) train!
The drunk guy did so. The high guy got off later, and the bikers got off the stop before us, laughing all the while. So, that was my first experience with public transit. Fun.
The game was good, and even though I think I caught a cold either during the game or on the train, the entire experience was somewhat fun. The next day we had a big inflatable water slide at my Grandma's, which was a lot of fun.
This last weekend I went to Carlsbad Caverns with the Young Men/Young Women (That's the youth group in my church for those who don't know.) I was planning on making a video of the trip, but I'm not done yet, and I don't have pictures, so... sorry. But it was very spiritualy and fun! We had quickie classes during the drive up, where we rotated from car to car and were taught about church organization and what it means to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (For more information, contact me on Facebook!)
Anyway, this is my finals week, so wish me luck!
Finally Done,
Craig Griffith
